Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Ten Things to Say to Tick Off a Thrilling Detective Web Site Editor

1) I know this story doesn't exactly fit your guidelines, but...
2) I couldn't find your guidelines, but I think this time travel story is just perfect for you...
3) Have you finished editing my story yet?
4) Sure, I'll change anything you want. Or you can change it for me...
5) Whaddya mean, it's offensive? What are you, a faggot?
6) Are you going to run my story or not? You have five days...
7) It's not preposterous. It happened in real life.
8) Why wasn't my story in your last issue? I already told all my friends...
9) That's just your opinion. I don't like my voice being tampered with...
10) Fuck you, I'll get it published somewhere else.

Actually, maybe number ten isn't so bad to hear after all... unfortunately you have to go through most of the other nine before you get to hear it.

I dunno. Maybe we should be less encouraging to newer writers, and more brutal.



Blogger Daniel Hatadi said...

Is Number 11 'Have you looked at my story yet?'

If so, thank God I didn't ask.

2:36 PM, February 08, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

3:24 PM, February 08, 2006  
Blogger Tribe said...

"4) Sure, I'll change anything you want."

I don't get this one.

5:40 PM, February 08, 2006  
Blogger Graham Powell said...

I'm sensing some tension here. Anyway, Kev, I *like* the fact that you and Gerald go beyond the yes/no stage in editing. I know that every time an editor has made suggestions, I have produced a better story.

5:59 PM, February 08, 2006  
Blogger Mystery Dawg said...


Does it help to send a 12 pack of fine Canadian beer along with a story?

8:27 PM, February 08, 2006  
Blogger Jim Winter said...

An editor shared with me a sub he received. Gun facts so off even I noticed them. (Yeah, I have to bug people to get mine straight.) And... Well, if I give too much away, the writer will realize who I'm talking about.

First person who asks me to guest edit gets his house egged by a naked Canadian soccer mom in a Miata. (Hey, she offered. I suppose I have to buy her the eggs.)

8:28 PM, February 08, 2006  
Blogger David Terrenoire said...

What about "Where's my check?"

2:11 PM, February 10, 2006  
Blogger Kevin Burton Smith said...

Just in case anyone was wondering, I don't normally delete your posts and comments. I did this it time because the original poster thought it over and asked me to.

11:53 AM, February 11, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh Kevin, ya need to put more of those types on BLAST. And have it out with them in a chat session like that one we all had a few sundays ago. It would make for a rip roaring good time.

Invite Jim Winter and Dave White.

I'll bring the keg! :)

9:07 PM, March 09, 2006  

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